The Starting Point

What do you need to start?

This entry of mine seems to have started about a half-dozen times over the last couple of days.  I had a few different topics floating around in the space above my neck, but none ever really seemed to grow beyond a sentence or two.  Then I realized that maybe the starting point was the starting point for this post.  Then things started to take form.  First, a little bit of back-story about me... 

For most of my life, I had issues with my weight.  I tried various weight-loss methods and programs, but none seemed to really stick.  In reality, the only things that stuck were the pounds.  A few years ago, I had an eye-opening experience.  My little girl and I were playing in the living room floor, and after just a few minutes, I was out of breath.  It was in that moment I realized that something had to change, because I didn't want to be that dad that was inactive in my kid's life.  I knew I was in trouble.

Psalm 46:1 - "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

I asked God for help and guidance.  And you can, too.

In this journey, I followed two guiding principles:  (1) I picked a starting point, and (2) I picked a starting point.  Let me explain.

The first starting point I had to pick was a date.  For me, that date was Wednesday, July 8, 2010.  For so many people, myself included, we live with the "tomorrow" or "someday" mindset.  "I will start that diet tomorrow."  "I will make that call tomorrow."  "I will talk to my neighbor about God someday."  I had to realize "someday" is not a day on the calendar, and neither is "tomorrow."  I had to be specific. 

The second starting point I had to pick was a goal, followed by more goals.  My dad has always told me to "set goals out of reach, not out of sight."  It would have been out of sight for me to expect or even think that I could wake up the morning of July 8th and run a marathon.  So I started where I was with what I could do.  There was a baseball field by my house at the time, so I set a goal to walk around that field for 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week.  As that became routine and easier for me, I started to set new goals of running around that field: first a quarter-lap, then a half-lap, until finally I could run a full lap.  My goals expanded over time.  Over the course of a year, I lost more than 100 pounds.  Last Thanksgiving, I ran a 5k for the first time.  It felt great.  But that never would have happened if I had not set a starting point on July 8, 2010, of walking around that baseball field. 

Back to my original question:  What do you need to start?  What have you been putting off until "tomorrow" or "someday?"  Has it been a physical goal?  Has it been a spiritual one?  Maybe it's a goal of spending more quality time with your family.  Maybe it's increasing your prayer life.  Whatever it is, why don't you go ahead and pick your starting point on the calendar? What is your July 8th?  Then, what is the first goal you can start working toward?  Maybe that thing you wanted to obtain has not happened simply because your goals were out of sight.  Start where you are with what you can do now.  Then adjust your goals as you go along. 

July 8, 2010 was a great day for me.  But an even greater moment was waking up on July 8, 2011, living in a new reality shaped by the goals set and met during the 12 months prior.

How do you want to wake up one year from now?  What do you want to have accomplished?  What friendships or relationships do you want to be stronger?  Who do you want to see when you look in the mirror?

Pick your starting point.  Then pick your starting point.  And enjoy the journey!

_________________________
Tim

No Such Thing as Rejection?

One of my favorite movies of all time is The Wedding Planner with Jennifer Lopez & Matthew McConaughey. If you haven’t seen it, don’t worry. You’ve probably seen the same story in a million other chick-flicks. This particular movie, though, I loved so much that I used to play it in my apartment in Nashville and listen to it while I worked around the house (extreme, I know).

It’s the classic story of boy meets girl, but girl is afraid to fall in love with boy because of a past failed relationship. In this case, Steve meets Mary, and they run into her ex-fiance, who we learn was caught after Mary’s bridal shower with her best friend, Wendy. After an awkward encounter with the other couple, Mary later tells Steve, “I just wasn’t good enough. I’m nothing but a poor man’s Wendy.” Steve, of course, in all the poetic realism of movie-life, says, “Oh, Mary, that Wendy, she’s nothing but a poor man’s Mary.” (And all of us mushy chick-flick lovers wipe an emotional tear as the movie goes on.)

You may not be a chick-flicker, but I think all of us can relate in some way or another to Mary. Mary had been kicked to the curb like used-up garbage. The rejection she felt almost kept her from seeing that although one man treated her like trash, there was another man waiting to embrace her as his princess. For you, maybe it wasn’t a failed relationship, or maybe it was. It may have been a promotion you were passed up for at work, or a father or mother who never seemed pleased, no matter what you did. It may have been a betrayal by a best friend. We’ve all been there. We all know rejection far better than we’d like.

But you know, someone taught me a truth a while back that completely revolutionized my perspective on rejection, and I want to share it with you.

Are you ready? Here it goes...

"For a child of God, there is no such thing as rejection, only protection."

What?!  No such thing?  Let's explore this and see where it takes us...

Romans 8:28 says,“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

As much as we want to blame people for making us feel rejected, we need to understand that God is always working behind the scenes, and He’s working for our good, so what feels like rejection to us at first is oftentimes God's working to protect us. Let me show you what I mean.

Shortly after I returned to Virginia in 2003, I found myself in a position similar to Mary: a guy had kicked me to the curb. It didn’t take long, though, for me to see that God allowed that rejection in order to protect me from a relationship that was absolutely not right for me (or for him). God knew that the momentary pain of rejection was insignificant compared to the lifelong pain of being joined together with someone I was not supposed to be with.

Oftentimes what we see as a person's wronging us is in reality God's hand, intervening to do one of two things: either to (1) protect us from harm, or (2) protect us from a missed opportunity for His best in our lives.

See, in that relationship, what you may not realize is that that particular guy and I were talking and even planning towards getting married. While I don't assert that the relationship itself would have been inherently harmful - we both loved God and wanted to pursue God's will for our lives - it most certainly would have been a missed opportunity for both of us to find the spouses God had planned for us.  The bottom line is that I cannot (and don't want to) imagine my life without my husband, Tim. He is perfect for me, and I am convinced that God brought us together. So really, I'm quite thankful for all the instances of rejection throughout my life that protected me, but also protected the opportunity for Tim and me to get to know each other and eventually get married in God's perfect timing. Rejection served a very positive purpose in our lives to get us to that point.

I've seen the protection of God working through rejection in other areas of my life as well.  In 2003 and 2004, I was working temp jobs while looking for permanent employment. I had had a good job in Nashville, and I was believing God for something not only similar, but better than what I’d had. In fact, I remember stretching my faith and asking God for a job that paid a specific salary, which was almost unheard-of for a secretary in our region, especially one as young as I was. I had been on assignment for several months at a nearby hospital, and I’d been very favored to work closely with people in management there. So when a position in one of the executive offices opened, I was very optimistic about my chances. The pay started at about $5,000 less than what I'd asked God for, but it was still a whole lot more than I was making as a temp!   I was very hopeful about getting the position. Imagine my surprise and the rejection I felt when they passed me over for an outside applicant. I struggled with rejection and even that snide cynicism that tries to creep in when you feel someone has wronged you (you know how we start criticizing the other applicant, or the new girlfriend, or whomever). I tried to get my cynicism in check, but I didn’t fully understand the course of events until months later, when I witnessed how horribly stressful that job was; I quickly realized I would have been miserable working in that office. Within a few months after that, I was informed that the lead secretary in the hospital (who had been in that position for 20 years) was being promoted to another position, and I was eligible to apply to become the Director's Secretary. A few months later, I began my new position at the starting salary of just over the amount I had asked God for!  I stayed in that position for 3 1/2 years and loved it. To this day, I am grateful for the experience and skill it developed in me. But I feel certain that I would not have had the experience if I had been selected for the first job. That rejection was divinely ordered so that God could line up a series of events and place me exactly where He wanted me to be for that season of my life. How cool is God?

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:9).

Things won't always make sense to us. And when I say, "there's no such thing as rejection..." I don't mean that in the most literal sense. I understand that there is very real, unwarranted and undeserved rejection that we experience. I can't, in my own mind, justify how a parent can reject their child. Or how a husband can walk away from his family. Yet I know it happens every day. Maybe you've experienced it yourself.

"...so are my ways higher than your ways..."

You know, we often struggle with how and why bad things happen, but we would do well to remember what God's Word says about the way He views our lives...

"When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" (Psalm 139: 15-16).

Does that mean God caused the rejection? No. Let me reiterate. No.
Does that mean our pain is trivial to God? Absolutely not.

I have come to terms with something I used to struggle with a lot:  If God already has our days written in His book, how do we explain all the things that go wrong? How do we explain how a rejected wife can move on in the perfect will of God for her life once her husband committed adultery and left the marriage? How do we explain how a child conceived outside of marriage is still a God-purposed, God-planned life with their own ordained days written out in His book? How does a child move on in God's good plan for his/her life when their parents' choices have caused them uninvited pain and conflict?  In other words, how can sin still result in the divine plan of God being carried out in our lives?

For me, here's where the key lies, and I hope it will help you as well...

"You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely" (Psalm 139:2-4).

See, we often forget that God perceives everything we think, say, and do from afar. Your choices don't surprise Him, and neither do your parents' choices, your spouse's choices, or anyone else's. He already knew they would make those devastating decisions, and even thought He didn't want them to go that way - to step outside of the marriage, to call it quits on the family, to hurt you in the process - He's already made provision in His plan for your life to do what we talked about from Romans 8:28 - to work together all things for your good.  I can't explain all the "why" behind the things that have happened in your life.  But I can tell you there is a "good" beyond the bad.  God promised it.

There is purpose beyond the rejection.  God didn't want you to hurt; He didn't plan the rejection... He planned in spite of it. 

I’d like to invite you to think for a moment about your own life...

Are you carrying the pain of past rejection into your future opportunities?

Like our friend, Mary, rejection can keep you from the better possibilities God has for you. Rejection’s grip can be powerful – if you let it.

There are people in your life who need you to be whole.  There are people you haven't even met yet who will need you.  If you're living a life fragmented by rejection, it's not only hurting you, but it's hurting them. God's plan for you is full of hope, so why let rejection keep its power over you?
I encourage you today to begin letting God pluck out any lingering rejection in your life. If you truly believe that God is working all things together for your good, then rejection can become a non-reality to you. There’s no such thing anymore. So whether it was a failed relationship, a missed promotion, a disloyal friend, or an unloving parent… Whatever it is, it doesn't have to define you any longer. Declare Romans 8:28 over yourself, and snatch the power over your life back out of the hands of rejection.



"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'"(Jeremiah 29:11).


__________________
Amy

True or False: You’re Busy.

I’m sure many of us would reactively shout, “True!” with a sigh of exasperation.  Chances are, though, regardless of where you are in life, the answer is likely, “False.”

Before I make you angry (which is not at all my intent), please hear me out.  I’ve encountered people all the time, in various aspects of life, who are “just so busy.”  In my previous life as an Executive Assistant, it was one of the favorite topics of the office…  Everyone who came by my desk wanted to tell about how busy they were (well, except for the people who actually were the busiest; they didn’t have time to stop and tell me about it).  In my personal life with friends and family, it’s so hard to plan get-togethers and spend any degree of quality time together, because everybody is “SO busy.”  And my favorite of all… As a preacher’s kid growing up in church, it’s always amazed me at how many times church takes a back seat in people’s lives because of how “busy” they are (and how “busy” their kids are these days… It’s staggering).

I propose that “busy” is a relative term, like “tall” or “short.”  For example, the average height of men in America is 5’ 10”.  So a 5’ 10” man in America is neither considered “tall” nor “short.”  On contrast, the average height for a man in Vietnam is 5’ 5”.  It would be culturally insensitive for an American man who is 5’ 8” to go to Vietnam and complain about being so short.  In contrast, a 6’ 0” tall American man would probably get laughed at if he boasted about being tall in Norway, where the average male height is exactly 6’ 0” tall¹.  You see where I’m going with this?

I have a hard time remembering how many people I have encountered recently who weren’t “busy.”  I have a wide array of acquaintances…  A stay-at-home mom with 7 children all under the age of 14.  Families with two, three, or four children, all of whom are involved in various school and extracurricular activities and whose parents both work full-time.  Pastors who balance their role before God with endless meetings, prayer counseling appointments, church administration, and tending to their own families’ needs.  Business professionals who manage large staffs of employees, vendors, and company finances, all the while trying to balance their home and church lives with their demanding careers.  College students trying to juggle newfound levels of independence with the daunting task of self-managing their own lives while trying to make a success out of their educational pursuits.  What do all these people have in common?  They’re all “busy.”

So you see, when I ask a friend, “How are you?” and their first response is, “BUSY!” …the meaning is kind of lost on me, much like the Norwegian who smirks at the “tall” 6’ 0” American.

Sound harsh?  That’s not my purpose, except maybe it is a little… I hope to wake us up to the reality that (get this): practically EVERYBODY is BUSY.  It’s the new normal.  Or maybe it’s not so new, after all.  It’s just that today, instead of being “busy” waking to a rooster’s crowing before dawn to go milk the cows and feed the pigs before a long day harvesting in the fields, we wake to an alarm clock and are “busy” rushing to get our morning coffee before running to clock-in to the office for our 8-hour work day.

So if “BUSY” is the new normal, is it really culturally accurate for you to keep talking about how “busy” you are?  Or are you just normal?

This is not to mention how self-centered it makes us sound when we’re constantly referring to our busyness… 

Even if you are legitimately “busy,” think about the message you send to someone when you talk about how busy you are…

First and foremost, you’re implying that they aren’t as busy as you, which is a great assumption on your part.  In our society, somehow we’ve started equating “busyness” to “importance” as a human being.  This is a great tragedy of our day.  When we build our value into how busy we are, we inherently devalue others by our perception of their “un-busyness,” and we thus rate human value based on doing.  You’ve heard it said, “We’re not human doings; we’re human beings”?  There’s a lot of truth in that; yet our society screams otherwise.  So when you start ranting about how busy you are, you are actually implying an insult toward the other person, no matter how unintentional it may be on your part. 

It always humors me (and by “humor,” I mean aggravates me to my core) how it seems that the people who complain the loudest and the most often about how busy they are seem to be the ones who shouldn’t be that busy.  Don’t get me wrong; I know you have to consider a person’s viewpoint and circumstances, and everyone is different.  But seriously, when a single person with no kids and no obligations other than taking care of him/herself complains to me about staying so busy with their job, I want to say, “Is that all you’ve got?”  That’s not a shot against single people, because one of the truly busiest people I know is a single lady with no children, who works a full-time job and yet has fully devoted her life to ministry and to helping increase value in other people’s lives. Her schedule makes my mind whirl at times; yet ironically enough, she is probably the person in my life who complains the least about how busy she is. 

So this isn’t against anyone’s station in life.  But you know, for someone with no children to complain to me, a mother with two very energetic preschoolers, about how busy they are, I feel is about as ludicrous as if I were to complain to my friend with 7 children about how busy I am.  You see what I mean?  “Busy” is a relative term.

The moral of the story?  What if we took our eyes off of ourselves for a minute every now and then and consider our audience?  This is something we (and I’m as guilty as anyone) forget to do so very often in our relationships.  Sometimes we get so wrapped up in us that we forget them.  We can say the dumbest things sometimes.  Until you’ve had children, you don’t know what it’s like to have children.  So please don’t tell your friend with a new baby that you understand what they’re going through because of the hard time you had when you first got your new puppy.  You don’t understand.  I promise. (And I know, because I thought my dogs were like children to me, too.  Until I had children.  Even if it’s the same to you, I assure you it’s not the same to your friend).  Likewise, please don’t tell someone who just lost their mother that you can relate because your neighbor lost their third cousin twice-removed last year.  Sympathize, yes.  But please draw a line before sympathy crosses over into stupidity and presumption.  Furthermore, when you catch yourself about to go into long dramatic detail about how busy you are, I encourage you to pause, take a moment, and ask yourself, “I wonder what this person has going on in her life?”

See, we could debate all day about whether or not we are truly busy.  But the bottom line is that we are as busy as we want to be.  I can already hear you shouting at me, protesting about all of the demands life has put on you.  And for a few people, there may be absolute, unavoidable circumstances that make that true.  But for the vast majority of us, we’re busy because we choose to be involved in so many things.  So the question isn’t whether or not we’re busy.  The question is whether or not we should be cutting anything out of our lifestyles.  And if the answer is “no,” then we need to come to terms with how busy we are and stop complaining about it all the time, as if it’s some badge of honor to flash around at all the people in our lives, especially those who ever dare ask us to do something in addition to our normal routine.

You know, when this life is over for you, only a few things are going to remain as your legacy.  If I were betting, I would bet that the most treasured possessions you leave behind won’t be all the overtime you put in at your job, all the money, time, and sheer stress you put into carting your kids from one sporting competition to another, all the while losing your own sanity, or all of the PTA meetings and business trips or whatever else makes you so very, very “busy.”  Those things… the nice car, the expensive vacations, the employee-of-the-year, or the basketball MVP award… While they all might be great experiences and perhaps even hold some value for you, none of those things are going to stand up at your funeral and pay honor to you.  But you know who will?  The people in your life.  The ones who knew you. 

Your time is perhaps the most valuable resource you have, but where are you spending it?  Are you spending it running in circles, or are you spending it investing in what matters most: your relationship with God and your relationships with the people God has given you? 

I have been so very guilty of playing the “busy” card at inappropriate and invalid times.  And there are times when life gets overwhelming, and we genuinely do need to talk to someone close to us about our busyness.  But I hope you’ll join me in banning “busy” as the go-to excuse or our favorite monologue to present to someone when they invite us to do something.

See, “busy” is code for “all my time is allocated elsewhere.”  It’s like when you say, “I can’t go out to eat; I’m broke.”  For many of us, we aren’t really “broke.”  We could have gone out to eat, had we not already allocated all our resources elsewhere.  So for lack of planning, we’re “money-broke.”  Busyness is being “time-broke.”  “I’ve used up all I have elsewhere.  I have nothing to give you.”

So when I ask someone if they can do something – whether it’s helping me out with a volunteer need at church or going to lunch with me or coming to my daughter’s birthday party – and they apologize that they can’t, because they’re just so “busy,” it tells me all I need to know.

___________________________________________

Amy

¹Wikipedia.com: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_height#Average_height_around_the_world

Welcome!

Hello, and welcome to our blog!

This is a new thing for us... We're both accustomed to reading a lot online, but up until now, we usually haven't engaged too much in the conversation.  For one thing, let's face it, the online world seems to be a magnet for mindless arguments and immature bashing of people with different ideas, and that's just not our goal.  Our goal is to provide thought-provoking, hopefully encouraging explorations of ideas to help everyday people in our everyday lives, especially when it comes to God and family.

So while we appreciate healthy discussion, please know that even when we cross over into "meddling" territory, our intentions are always to inspire and uplift, not to provoke. 

Thanks for stopping by!

Tim & Amy